A Semi-Autobiographical Twitter Story

I wish I would have gone to the J.Crew Warehouse Sale. Fattie needs a new set of clothes.

Fattie is attempting a sit-up. Stand back.

It is 2:13 p.m. and Fattie is out of points. #weightwatcherssucks

Fattie’s New Year’s Resolution: To wear a pair of pants with an actual button or zipper. #babies

Fattie is going on a walk. Stand-by oxygen tank ready!

I’m hungry. #fattie

I’m still hungry. #superfattie

Ooh, cookies! #somebodystopme

Swimsuit season is my personal Armageddon.

Enter Nurse. A sail, a sail! #meinaswimsuit

It’s the baby’s fault. #fattie

Exercise is the only option. #NOOOOOOOOO

I’m skinny again! #starving

Hello hubbie. #sexytimes

Crap. Pregnant again.

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p.s. I’m not really pregnant. Or skinny. That’s where the “semi-autobiographical” stuff comes in.